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Found these while surfing the net....
Shabba Ranks
Shabba Ranks was talking to Jackie late one night on the phone and she began to say to him "Telephone Love, Yuh Sound SO Sweet On The Line", all of a sudden hear Shabba "Mi dun wid the telephone talk, mi ah hang up di phone an come over dey now!", and so he did. On arrival Jackie was watching a talk show and the topic was about Transv esites. Shabba began to show some form of discent towards the show and jackie asked what was wrong, he replied "Send fi di matic and magnum fi shoot battyman, pam pam, gunshot inna dem middle section". She said it was a free country and why is he so ne gative towards them, but Shabba replied "It haffi kill mi dead, punany haffi kill mi dead". So she asked what was on his mind, instantly he replied "Winey wineee, Winey Winee", so she asked Shabba if he think he could manage the work, he said "How yuh fi say dat, yuh shouldnt even mention dat!" remember "I am bad mad and wicked inna b ed, wicked bad and mad inna bed". But she told Shabba "If a man want it him haffi pa y dun pon it". Anyway, he went along with the program and after an hour Jackie didnt shunt, so Shabba went "What a oman can wine wine, Jamaican girls can wine wine". As things progressed with sweat rolling off the Ranks, his stamina began to diminish a nd Jackie didnt seem to get where she wanted as yet. With just a little energy left Shabba could only sing slowly "Gal yuh good, Gal yuh good gal yuh good gal yuh goooo od".
MAD COBRA
One time, as a DJ Cobra was experiencing some hard times, so he needed a new income alternative. Out of the blue, Cobra decided that he was gonna become a counselor. This made people suspicious, especially local authorities, who installed a secret camara in Cobra's office to scoop out his operations.
Cobra's first customer was a distressed girl who complained that there was a guy who is currently engaged to be married, but is constantly making passes at her. She declined him many a times but he is still persistent. She asked Cobra what to do, Cobra told her "If a gal man a run you dung gal a nuh fi fault, tek him ,tek him, you nuh business at all." So the girl went and did just that.
A few weeks later, after taking the man , the same girl came back complaining to Cobra that, now she has gotten the man, he is a bit shy and is taking too long to break the ice. Again she asked Cobra what to do. Cobra told her to tell the man "Flex, time to have sex, look how long you have the rudegirl a wait." So the girl went and did just that.
A few months later, the girl who was engaged to the man began to harass her. It got out of hand and she came back to Cobra for advice. Hear Cobra, tell the girl that you a "Done wife, an you nuh watch mate...."
The local authorities was seeing all this and said it can't go on no longer. So they barge into Cobra's office demanding some legal identification of his business practice, or they will have to arrest him, hear Cobra "Yush ! cause dat is badboy talk, come off a mi gun hand before the machine kick off !"
Terror Fabulous and Daddy Screw
One evening while Terror Fabulous and Daddy Screw was coming off a flex, Terror noticed that Screw looked disturbed so he asked his partner what was the problem ? Screw told him that he had problems with his girl so Terror turned and told him that "Lovermaan, a dat she want......"
The following day while Terror was trampoozing thru downtown he stumbled in Screw's girl who was complaining about her love live, so Terror told her, "Yuh want a man like mi, definitely professional man like mi....."
The girl was taken aback and asked Terror why would he be interested in someone like her, Terror responded "Yuh warm and fabuloshous darling, yuh mad di whole a dem caw yuh charming, woman yuh a lead, yuh hot like pepperseed". By now the girl had a Colgate smile all over her face and took Terror home with her and warned him that "Action, not a bag a mouth, sweet loving mek di gal dem bruk out."
Terror tell har fi quiat and "Position, hold up yuh head and...." When pressure start to reach her she began screaming and pleading for Terror to stop, but he told her "No Retreat no surrender, mi naah lotion pet nor powder." This continued for an extended period and when it was all over she asked Terror if he was under the influence of some form of drugs, but the DJ told her, "A jus Jah Works, when yuh see....."
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